Greek Myth

Here's a myth I wrote for Language Arts. I'd love some feedback!


In a small village by the sea, a boy learns the trade of his father. The boy stares regretfully at the rippling water. Behind him, his dad struggles to teach his son.
“Now Pherin, you need to listen. If you don’t learn now, you’ll never amount to anything,” he lectures. Pherin replies with a loud sigh.
“What if I don’t want to be a fisherman?” he complains.
“Well, what do you want to be?” his father asks. Pherin doesn’t try to hide the smile that spreads across his lips.
“I want to be a hero.”
His father stares at his son’s beaming eyes. He doesn’t know what to think. His family is poor, insignificant, and bears the humble trade of a fisher. And Pherin, the foolish boy, wants to be a Greek hero. A hefty laugh rolls off of his father’s tongue.
“A hero!” he cries. Pherin’s smile melts away. He stands taller, trying to make his slim build a bit bigger.
“Yes. And I’ll be one. You just wait,”
His father chuckles. “Well then, when we get back to the shore, you go ask Zeus to be a hero.”
Pherin, still taken back by his father’s reaction, says, “Fine. I will.”
And he does. The second they reach land, Pherin marches off to Zeus’s temple. He walks in, immediately greeted by Zeus’s enormous stone figure. Then he kneels to pray.
Pherin asks Zeus to give him the strength and courage to become a hero. He prays with such earnestness and faith that great clouds begin to form above the temple. Pherin lifts his head when a clash of thunder jolts the temple. He looks up at the statue. Quietly, yet still distinct and unavoidable, a deep, melodious voice sounds in his head.
“To become a hero, you must prove yourself. I will send a fierce monster for you to fight. Prepare yourself.”
Although the message is short, Pherin can hear it ring in his mind long after the voice has left.
Pherin saunters home. His encounter with Zeus has shocked him into a state of overwhelming gratitude. He admires each delicate detail of nature, marvels over the greatness of the sky, worships the power of the sea, and embraces the fertility of the land. He returns home in a dreamy state. His mother smiles when he sees him enter. Had Pherin been paying more attention, he would have noticed the mocking smiles framed on each of his family’s faces. His younger sister skips toward him.
“So, what did Zeus say?” she asks with a giggle. Pherin only smiles and continues on his way. The setting sun has touched the horizon, sending strokes of golden light to paint the land. Pherin lies on his cot, day dreaming of his life as a hero.
“Tomorrow,” he says, “I become a hero.”

Pherin wakes to the early bird’s annoying chirp. He stretches his stiff arms and legs.
“A hero is strong,” he says. “So, I need to become strong.” Pherin walks toward the harbor. Each morning he sees merchants and fishermen unloading their produce. It’s always looked like hard work. Pherin decides to give it a try. He marches up to the closest merchant and says,
“You need any help, sir?”
A man turns. He takes short, raspy breaths. Sweat already lines the top of his head.
“Sure. What will you work for?”
“A pound of your produce a week. I’ll work every day.” Pherin says. The man nods in agreement.
“What’s your name boy?”
“ Pherin, sir. Yours?” The merchant shakes his head.
“Just call me Remi.”
Remi begins hoisting the boxes of produce onto the back of a wagon. Pherin works along side him. At first the boxes are light. Pherin doesn’t have a problem with moving them. But as the day wears on, the sun soars higher, and the boxes grow heavier. Finally, at high noon, Remi stops.
“Take a break boy. Get yourself a lunch.” Pherin gladly accepts and makes his way home.

Fish has never tasted so good. His family is gathered around a table, and they all seem to be staring at Pherin. Finally his mother speaks.
“What have you been doing? You came home from your trip to the temple, and then you disappear all morning.”
“I’ve been helping a merchant load his produce into a wagon. I need to get stronger. Greek heros aren’t weak,” Pherin explains.
“So, what did Zeus tell you?” asks his sister.
“He told me that I could be a hero if I prove myself. I’m going to have to fight a monster, but first I have to be strong.” Pherin quickly finishes his lunch. Then he walks back to the harbor to finish working for the merchant.

This hard work only lasted for a week. Pherin has grown tired of lifting boxes. He thinks it boring and useless, only making him a little stronger. He was glad when he got a bag of apples from the merchant, but to get another one, he has to work another week.
He does, however, enjoy talking to his friends. He gloats over his manifestation from Zeus, and brags about the battles he will fight when he’s a hero.
Pherin switches jobs regularly, each time saying that there’s a better job out there. He spends most of his time with his friends, and day dreaming of when he’ll become a hero.
But, time doesn’t stop. Months have past since his visit with Zeus. Pherin spends nearly all of his time with his friends. He hardly works, and he seems to have forgotten the promise made by Zeus. He’s become baggage on his family, and hasn’t learned a trade.

A red bull is spotted on the horizon. As it approaches, the fury and anger pent up inside it is released. It thrashes it’s head and charges the village. Chaos sweeps the town. The screams and cries of townsfolk flood the sky. When the news reaches Pherin, his family desperately looks toward him. Pherin isn’t ready. His choices and actions have left him far worse than when he began. He had been given the opportunity, and shirked it. He fearfully shies away, sealing the village’s fate.
Zeus looks down on Pherin, disappointed. He was going to let Pherin die with the rest of the town, but he devised a better plan. He commands the bull to destroy all things in its path apart from Pherin. Zeus watches the bull destroy the town, bulldozing through houses and people alike. In a matter of minutes, the town is reduced to a pile of rubble. Zeus commands the bull to leave. It wanders off, leaving Pherin alone among the forsaken town.
Pherin falls to the ground. His family and friends lay scattered around him.
“Why Zeus? Why did you let this happen? You could have saved them,” he cries. The same voice he had heard in the temple so long ago echoes in his mind.
“I didn’t do this. You, and you alone are responsible. Now, reap the consequences that have been sewn through your decisions.”
Pherin lies among his fallen family, sobbing. He cries unto Zeus, asking him for a second chance. Zeus, however, has turned his eyes elsewhere. There’s no pity nor help left for this shattered boy who has lived a false life.

Yikes

Right after I posted the trampoline entry, my brother and sisters and I went outside on the trampoline. There were rain clouds in the sky, but nothing was falling from them. So we decided to camp outside. We played around for a while, and then ate. Then we got the tent out. As we were getting the tent out, it started to sprinkle. No big deal right? We tried putting up the tent, but after a half hour of sprinkles, everything was wet. So were we. We tried to work under the tarp, but that didn't turn out well. The rain had escalated from a sprinkle to mild rainfall.

Mia got the idea of getting big yellow hooks to hold down the tent, and ran in to get some. I put the tarp on as she went to go get them. The mild rainfall was now a mediocre downpour and we where were drenched. We hammered them in as quick as we could, and finally got the tent up. Nani and Ben ran inside as Mia and I finished up. When we finally went to check inside the tent, it was wet.

Discouraged, we went inside, and got Nani and Ben in the shower. I went upstairs to get my brother some clothes. Mia just finished her shower. The mediocre downpour is now a thunder storm, and I'm sitting here, wet, typing on the computer. (there's something wrong here.) I'm going to go take a shower. Bye.

Trampoline

Guess what? I got a new tramp on Thursday! I've been on it every spare moment of the day. It's a lot of fun. Accept, it's incredibly easy to get hurt on it. Ben, Mia, and one of Ben's friends where playing on the tramp, and we where trying to do rap moves. Bad idea. I tried doing something on my head, but missed and cracked my neck. I swear the crack was so loud, it could have been a fire cracker. It hurt so bad. I lay on the tramp, not able to move my neck with my right arm paralyzed. And Ben's friend kept jumping around. I had to slide on my back to the side of the tramp, and wait till I could move again. It's better today. You need to be really careful on those things. Well, I'll be posting a lot more. School just got out, so I'm free this week. I'm so glad. A couple more days in school, and I would have died. I'll post later. Bye.

A Day at the Beach

My dad and I went surfing again. I started out by myself. I didn't catch very many waves. Then my dad came out. He helped me catch lots of waves, and I was able to stand up on almost all of them. When we were done, we walked to our car. My dad put the board on top of the car so he could get the keys. A huge gust of wind knocked the board off of our car. It hit my dad in the head, and it got scraped really bad. He was pretty mad. I thought it was kind of funny. After we got the car open, we changed into our scuba stuff.

It was exhausting trying to get out to scuba dive. The waves kept hitting us, and we had so much stuff we were bringing out. It was very shallow, and the coral made it hard to move around. The flag for our buoy fell out, and my dad had to go back and find it. The spears got caught in the coral, and our scuba suits were tremendously heavy. After we got past the surf area, it was calm and pretty clear. We swam out to a drop, and then dove down.

We swam up next to the ledge. Then we climbed up to the top of the drop, into a cleaning station. There were maybe seven or eight turtles there. Fish were feeding off their shells, and the turtles just hung out. It was amazing. We swam back about an hour later. I was exhausted. When we got home, I collapsed on my bed, and slept. I woke up about three hours later to Mia saying,
"Jasmyne, we're going to the beach!"

Hawaii

I'm learning how to surf! My dad bought two surfboards in the last week, and we've been going to this beach and trying them out. It's a lot harder than it looks. The last time we went, I stood up, and stayed up. It was awesome. We're going in the morning tomorrow. We would have gone today, but I've been kind of sick. A couple of days before we started surfing, my dad and I went scuba diving.

The first day, we went to Sharks Cove. The water was a little choppy, and the current was really strong, so we decided to come back a different time. The next day, we went back to Sharks Cove. It was perfect. The water was crystal clear, and there was hardly any current. My dad and I saw two turtles, and could hear whales calling each other. It was amazing.

I'll try to write more often. Sometimes I'm just too busy. I have all that homework I need to catch up on, and it doesn't help to be going to the beach every day. Anyway, I'm having a great time, and I'll post soon.

See ya

About a week ago, my dad told me that we're going to Hawaii. March eleventh, we'll drive down to Los Angeles for a week, and spend some time in Disneyland. Then we'll fly to Hawaii for a month. It's going to be great.

Last week, Mia and I started scuba diving lessons, so we can scuba dive in Hawaii. It's great, but the classes start at 6:00 p.m and end at 11:00 p.m, so I'm a little sleep deprived. March fifth is our final exam, and if we don't pass, we won't get our certificates. And since we're leaving next week, we won't have time to retake the course. Anyway, I'm very excited for our trip. See you in a month!

p.s I'm bringing my computer with me, so I'll try to keep you up to date on what's going on.

Diamond

Here is a story I'm writing. I would love to get some feedback. Thank you.

-Jasmyne

p.s. sorry if there are any speech errors or anything like that. I couldn't figure out how to fix it.


Diamond
By Jasmyne Carson

I run into an alleyway, smiling deviously to myself. A warm piece of bread is tucked under my right arm, and I listen to the baker yelling at a confused bystander. I turn sharply to the right and huddle in a corner hidden by the shadows. I hastily tear off a piece of bread and shove it in my mouth. The crust of the bread crunches, and the inside seems to dissolve instantly.. I eat about half of it, and stuff the rest into my bag. I walk back out into the street and look around at the dusty, dry road filled with bustling people. To the side are beggars, holding out their hands and cups, pleading to nobles who walk by. There are shops and building to either side of me, and nobles stop to look for a while before moving on. I hope it’s still there. I make my way to a jewelry stand and eye the diamond dagger on display at the end of the table.
“Can I help you?” asks an old man wearing baggy pants and a stained shirt. His face is kind, and his leathery, wrinkled skin gives him the appearance of a wise man. At first I’m surprised. Most people consider me to be too young to be out in the streets without my parents, or my master. If I was with either, neither would have allowed me to look at weapons.
“How much is that diamond dagger?” I ask.
“That? It’s well over anything your master gave you,” he says. .
Oh. So that’s what he thinks I’m doing. Just running an errand for some lazy nobleman.
“How much,” I say bluntly.
“Two hundred Lira,” he responds.. I have been wanting to buy that dagger for a while, but two hundred Lira is way too much. Bargaining time.
“Two hundred Lira?” I gasp in a shocked voice. “That thing is worth seventy-five Lira. But, I’ll be generous and give you a hundred twenty-five.” The storekeeper leans over.
“Hundred sixty,” he challenges.
“Hundred forty.” The storekeeper pauses, and then looks down.
“Done.” I shuffle in my bag, and pull out a jingling pouch. I take out a large coin, and 4 smaller ones. I toss them on the counter and grab the dagger. Something feels strange about it though. I’ll let Neid look at it. I walk into an alleyway and place the dagger in a sheath hidden under my long sleeve. I leave the backstreet and make my way to my brother’s shop.

“I’ll be with you in a minute,” yells Neid from the back room of his small store. I turn and look at some of his carvings. They all are so beautiful. Some are little painted bowls used for holding jewelry, and others are life size models of people made of marble.
“Oh. It’s you,” he mumbles as he walks through the doorway. “What is it Trig?”
“I need you to look at this diamond dagger. It doesn’t feel right,” I say pulling it from my sleeve.
“Where did you get that?” he asks in a surprised voice.
“I bought it on the way here. It isn’t like I don’t have money,” I retort.
“Trig, having and earning money the honest way are two different things.”
“I know. So… what is it?”
“I don’t know...”Neid contemplates as he picks up another diamond. “…but this isn’t diamond. It’s something else,” he says as he rubs the two together.
“ What?”
“I think it’s like diamond, but tougher. It scratches this diamond easily, and the diamond did next to nothing to it. It’d be better if you kept it. If anything weird starts happening, or people start asking to buy it, bring it back here.” He hands me my dagger, and looks down at me. “Make sure it stays with you. If it’s something valuable, we could use it later on.”
“Thanks,” I say. “Hey, I’m leaving. The Ubolos are getting kind of nosey. I also have to finish up a job in a town nearby.”
“Ok, but just make sure you’re careful.”
“Ok. Bye.”
“Bye.” I close the door and start walking down the street. He’s still the same worry bug he was 5 years ago when Dad got caught. I turn out of the street, and head to one of the city’s walls.

It is just about 3 hours after dusk when I reach the city gate. They have shut them and set the guards. The guards look alert, and their eyes stare into the night looking for any kind of movement. I stand in one of the shadows of a building. The guards look my way, but I’m too small to be noticed.

At least that’s one advantage of being young. But I hate that you’re never taken seriously when you’re young, and kids usually can do things so much better than adults. We can hide in a crack that any other adult would have ignored. Our ears are more sensitive, and our eyes are more developed. The only problem is that no one takes us seriously. If I was caught, the only thing the guards would do is stuff me in a building until they could sell me off to a noble. Of course that would be illegal, but no one would care enough to stop them. If I was an adult, they would have at least considered me some kind of threat.

I slide along the wall until I’m to the side of the guards. I pick up some rocks, and throw them over their heads.
“Did you hear that?” asks one of the guards.
“Yeah,” the other guard says. “I’ll go see what it is.” The guard slowly pulls his sword free of the sheath and walks into the darkness. The other guard straightens his posture, and nervously looks around. I walk out into the light, and make myself look innocent and weak.
“Whose there?” bellows the guard. I don’t answer. I just stop in front of the guard and lower my head. “Oh,” he says. He lowers his sword, and walks toward me. I sprint, and jump. My hand forms a fist, and I raise my middle knuckle slightly. I slam it into the man’s temple. He swerves, and then falls. I walk over to him, and take the keys clipped to his belt. I walk over to the gate, unlock it, and walk out onto the dry, open plain.
“Nothing there. Probably just…” says the returning guard. I turn around, and watch the pale faced guard stare blankly at his unconscious companion.